Absentee Bloglord

You might have noticed - I HOPE you noticed - that I haven't posted in almost a week. I know a few people have noticed, most of them related to me. They've called or e-mailed to see if I'm okay (I tend to get quiet in my rare but most serious of drepressions) or if my computer broke or if the power lines have all failed. Lisa suggested I should resort to using smoke signals to communicate if I found blogging too difficult.


But no, none of those things have gone awry. I'm just here, wandering in circles, panicking about the close proximity of Dec. 21 and Dec. 25 and the confusion and chaos (some of it cheerful and merry but some of it just necessary and not particularly fascinating) that are my attempts at getting ready for the holidays. Or rather, I'm sort of lethargically thinking of panicking. Not really having enough adrenalin or energy to actually panic yet. It's more along the lines of muttering "Look at this mess!" "I'll never be ready!" "It's hopeless!" "I can't decide what to do next!" And then thinking maybe a good next task is to get in the car and drive to Starbucks to get a peppermint mocha latte and hope the caffeine will kick in and make miracles happen.

It's not that I'm in a particularly bad mood. I'm sort of modestly cheerful. And I'm modestly productive too. I'm way ahead of a number of friends who have called wailing about their own list of things still undone and many of them have far less discretionary time left to get it all done in. I've spent a ridiculous number of evenings wrapping and I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've mailed all my cards and parcels. My tree is up although the decorations keep dropping to the ground, like ripe holiday fruit. Hubby finally braved the cold and redid the outside lights which were up but not lighting up because of a rebellious string of lights in the middle of the things. My holiday dishware is in the cupboards. (A cat broke a mug this morning - pout.) Last night I even got a start on organizing and putting out other holiday decorations.

But the guest readiness of my house is still only a fantasy goal on the far horizon. And a number of gifts I'd planned to make are still unmade and I'm beginning to whittle the list of things I'm going to get made down to a few necessities and considering storebought options for the rest of it. Hubby is now on holiday for the rest of the month but his idea of home for the holidays involves a lot of "resting" and not so much "decorating" or "baking" or other traditional December activities. Eventually I'll make an announcement that there needs to be some "helping", probably in the form of "cleaning", on his part. But I'll let him continue with his busy schedule of "resting" for the time being. I do expect panic to eventually overcome even my well seasoned and sophisticated denial methods and then I'll rally the troops. Even the teenager will be forced to pitch in and help.

The snow that the weather forecaster had promised several times fizzled out before getting over the mountains and today's "big storm" is coming down as rain. I'm normally happy not to have the added inconvenience of stormy weather to deal with during the holidays, and I know there are a lot of people in the midwest and east who would gladly send their storms my way if only it was in their power to do so, but still, I'm in the mood for some ..... mood. In the form of white fluffy flakes falling slowly, prettily from the sky - preferably during daytime hours so I can see it come down. The caffeine alone, even spiked with chocolate and peppermint, isn't working. I need snow.

Last but far, far, far from least, my computer photo program storage is all filled up. I did an end run around the problem a few months ago by going out and buying a 1 GB memory card for my camera and using my card reader to upload directly onto my blog. But now I've gone and used that up and it seems crazy to go buy another card. I need to do something about my photos. I've put off the task because I'm not sure WHAT I want to do about them. Just put them on CD storage? Upload them to online storage? Get photographs printed of the best of them? Two or three of these things? It's overwhelming and confusing and ultimately, regardless of which choices I make, it will be time consuming, and so it's not done and now, with no extra time whatsoever, it's become a critical decision. Even if I don't have a camera for my blog posts, holiday and family visits are imminent.

But my point here is that one of the reasons I haven't blogged is because I don't have photos to go along with the words. And it's hard for me to blog without photos. It's like trying to talk while sitting on my hands. It's an Italian thing. We can't talk without using our hands. And yes, I know, I'm not Italian. But two of my children are part Italian. And I used to be part of a big ol' Italian family. And I was probably Italian in a past life. So just take my word for it, handless talking is HARD! In the same way photoless blogging is HARD. Even just going around town without my camera is difficult. I feel like I'm making do without one of my senses.

Ironically, I've had a lot of things I wanted to blog about. I'm not sure if it's the photos thing or a mild case of Reminiscing Blues (a traditional part of everyone's holiday, yes?) or feeling guilty that I should be spending the time doing something more critical, but every time I've sat down to blog I just feel restless and without an entry point. And then I play online Sudoku instead. Or get up and make a meal.

So, that's about it. I've got to go round up a few gifts that I need to wrap for a friend I'm meeting for dinner in an hour. And tonight I'll see if there's any good old holiday movies online and get back to my merry muddling.