Friday, February 10, 2006

I really shouldn't blog today

Why? Because I had a really crappy day. Or rather, I had a really crappy day yesterday, since technically, being after midnight, it's now the next day. But let's pretend the date on this post says Thursday, February 9 and that I had a crappy day TODAY.

For no good reason whatsoever. Well, there were reasons. Lots of them. Some of them sound silly, even to me. Some of them, playing psychologist to myself, are quite valid. But all of them are really "just life". That's the way it goes. Bottom line, numerous and odd concerns, peeves, and fears just ganged up on me and ruined what could have been a really nice day if I'd had the upper hand in all this. Which clearly I didn't. Apparently it was my inner toddler's turn to be in charge of things. Or perhaps my inner 13 year old teenage girl. Same difference really.

I could have had a wonderful day. The sun was WARM. Spring warm. Blue skies, warm breeze, no jacket, open the car windows warm. It smelled like spring. Felt like spring on the skin. Sounded like spring. Did I notice? NO. Instead I moped. Pouted. Got all pissy, tried to get over "it" only to let myself get riled up and do a sequel of pissy - and everyone knows that sequels are never as good as the originals. No, I only noticed it peripherally, flashes at the edge of my more important snit, just enough to realize I was missing it all because I was too self absorbed to let go of my mood to enjoy it. Which of course made me pout and be mad even more, at other people, at THINGS, even though the only thing/person responsible for making me miss this beautiful day was yours truly. But I'm still feeling snitty, so I'm not actually admitting that just yet.

I mean, at the very least, I could have used all this potent energy for something useful. Channeled it into something worthwhile. I roamed through the house muttering "I'm sick of all this sh*t." Hey, maybe I could have spent a couple hours tossing some of it away. But no, I hid under the covers and then when my husband decided to play sad music, instead of asking him to turn it off please (a simple enough request, although in the mood I was in, I doubt I could have gotten the word "please" out). Instead I stomped out of the house and hid from my family by wandering about town, inside stores and restaurants, until that wonderful warm sun sunk down behind the ridgetops and left me with nothing but gray and cold again.

So, as you can see, I'm crabby, unreasonable, and probably not very much fun to be around - unless you're a masochist. But at least I have enough presence of mind not to blog and subject you, my loyal readers, to all this miserableness.

Maybe, if I can get a good night's sleep.... but right now I don't particularly feel like having a good night's sleep. I feel like staying up all night reading depressing political blogs and getting myself even more worked up. Or staring morosely at my messy piles and cluttered shelves and feeling hopeless. Or perhaps just grabbing a blanket and the remote and flipping mindlessly through the channels catching a zillion old episodes of Law & Order and/or CSI, which seem to somehow run 24/7 on our cable stations - of course with hourly forays to the kitchen to find and consume large quantities of carbohydrates - sweet, then salty, then sweet, then salty again, then....

But hey, tomorrow is another day. Maybe I will go to bed, eventually, and wake up renewed and irritatingly perky.

We'll see.


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