Do-it-yourself Crossing Guard kit

I've been meaning to write about our new Crossing Guard kit, ever since they installed it on our corner several weeks ago. In the ten years we've lived here, they've always had a crossing guard at the corner of our street, which is also the corner of our lot, because kitty corner and across a small plot of fir trees is the local junior high school. Not only do we have the junior high kids walking past our house, but since the bus stop from the elementary schools also drop kids off at the junior high, we also have the neighborhood elementary kids walking across this street as well.

In the last decade they've had a number of crossing guards come and go. Some worked out for a few school years but most of them only lasted a year at the most. They've left, or been let go, for a number of reasons - ineffective, too nice (yes, too nice - still trying to figure that one out), can't handle the kids, too mean..... at one point they had the principal of the junior high down there morning and and afternoon. I'm sure he had better things to do then daily crossing guard duty.

In any event, this year no crossing guard appeared with the start of the new school year. Instead, for want of a qualified applicant or I suspect for lack of funds to fill the position, these flags and signs showed up a few weeks later.



Here's a close up of what the sign says. Read it. Go ahead, I'll wait. (Jeopardy music begins to play in the background......)


All finished? Okay. Now imagine that this sign appears on the Stop sign in the photo, and also across the side street tacked to a large tree on the other corner. It does NOT appear across the busy street that our side street ends up at in a T formation. So, the first issue here is - it's only a "Crossing Guard" for the side street, not for the busier and more dangerous through street.

You'll also note that there are TWO flags. They are always both stuck in on our side of the street. The same side of the street. So if you're on the other side of the street, there are no flags. And even if there was, note that the instructions tell you to RETURN the flags when you are through using them to cross the street. Uhm, er, o-kay. But then, doesn't that defeat the purpose of using the flag to cross the street as you have to then go BACK across the street to return the flag and then cross again without a flag?

Of course, this would only be an issue if I'd actually witnessed anyone ever trying to use them. The little kids haven't given them a glance. The junior high kids wouldn't be caught dead doing something so embarrassing. I think the only person who has ever made use of the Crossing Station is William, who thoroughly enjoyed going out to the corner the first 3-4 days they were installed. He would grab one or two flags and march back and forth in a fashion that would have easily earned him a promotion within The Ministry of Silly Walks. Alas, even he has tired of the the fun.

It does boggle the mind, doesn't it? Anyone have any other brilliant ways to use our public school monies?