Nanowhino

I am mostly not here because I'm swept up in Nanowhino. Okay, okay, it's actually Nanowrimo. But my version is more of a whine-o. And it's not like I'm absent here because I'm busy actually WRITING. No, no, no. That would be too straightforward. Too simple. Too difficult and agonizing as well. No, I'm not here because I'm absorbed pretty much 24 hours a day in angsting about how I'm NOT writing.

Today I sorta, kinda, maybe have started to get a handle on it. I actually wrote some words. I clawed my way up past the 5k mark. Which makes me, oh, only about ten thousand more words behind where I should be right now to make it to 50k before the end of the month. And yet, I'm feeling a teensy bit hopeful once more.

I think it's because I'm finally remembering how freakin' hard it was last year while simultaneously realizing that it might possibly still be hard this year! You see, before this, I wasn't worried or nervous. I was excited, but in a calm "Been there, done that" sort of way. I was so high after winning last November that I don't think I stopped beaming smugly about it until some time in late February of this year. At the beginning of this month's Nanowrimo, I was going into it thinking, no sweat! Even after I missed most of the first week to my grandkids, no problemo. I thought this lackadaisical confidence would be an added plus. Uhm, no.

You see, I was remembering that glorious rush and I'd forgotten that before I hit that endorphinated high, I'd spent 30 days in absolutely mind boggling (mind boggling might actually be one composite word, but in honor of this being Nanowrimo month, I'm splitting it in two, and going on and on and on about it because there's that whole word count thing that turns "succinct" into a 4-letter, er four letter word and causes even the most honorable amongst us to pad our stories shamelessly. Shamelessly, I say. And just for the record, once more time - shamelessly.) .... oh, I went on so long I doubt any of you remember the beginning of this sentence, so let me start over again from near the beginning... I'd forgotten that before I hit that endorphinated high, I'd spent 30 days in absolutely mind boggling, woe-is-me anguish.

I'd forgotten all about it and so I was shocked to find that's what I'm sloshing around in now - a bunch of woe-is-me angsting with a bit of indignant surprise that I'm having to do the HARD PART all over again! How come I have to do the HARD PART again!? Unfair!

Anyway, I need to get back to writing, or staring at what I've already written, hands frozen in frustration over my keyboard, not sure what's gonna happen tonight. At least I've gotta go try write a bit more before turning out the lights. Maybe another thousand words. Five hundred words? Okay, at least I'll write until I run out of tea and chocolate. Send me some "good writing vibes".

Or send me chocolate. Whichever is easiest for you.