Saturday, February 24, 2007

The psychology of not blogging

A busy friend called me up today to see if I was okay. She was worried about me. Although she doesn't have much time to go online, she usually checks in once or twice a week and reads my blog, and she'd noticed I hadn't blogged in almost a week. It's nice to have friends that care enough to know when you're not acting normal, and then actually pick up the phone and check up on you.

I told her I was fine and that I, too, had been pondering the reasons behind my own non-blogging activity (or would that be blogging nonactivity?) I can't quite put my finger on why I haven't been blogging all week. It's not like me not to have things to say. I have opinions, and lots of them. I haven't really figured it out, but I have compiled a list of possible reasons.

Reason #1 - I've been busy in a happy, rambling sort of way. By that I mean I've been putting the things I want to do above the things I just do as a matter of course. So, my floors - don't look at them please. They're covered with mud and dust bunnies and scraps of paper Rosie has torn apart and who knows what else. But my studio is all set up with several projects in midprocess.

Reason #2 - The things I've been doing, my "show and tell" choices, are all half finished or half done. I'm holding out for when I can take photos.

Reason #3 - Mother guilt. My mind works in strange ways. (I know you all know that, but I'm about to point out one particular way in which it is strange.) The less busy I am, the less I want to do anything at all. The more I'm working, the more things I want to toss in the pot. So along with being more productive in the studio, I've been trying to shine up my "mothering" medal by cooking more, spending time with the teenager who'd really rather be staring glazed-eyed at his computer or XBox t.v. screen. I've been running errands that I've put off for weeks. I've been doing paperwork and walking the dog and keeping up the laundry and so on and so on...

Reason #4 - I've managed to turn my days and nights even further around then usual, so, even though I'm getting the same amount of sleep, possibly more sleep then usual, I'm too tired to think clearly at night, when I usually blog.

Reason #5 - I feel uncreative in my writing. Most of creative juices are going into physical art right now, not verbal art. Let's hope this is just part of feeling tired and wintery in general right now and not a permanent either/or energy choice, because to have to choose between mental creativity and physical creativity -that would suck. Anyway, every time I'm on the computer and think - now would be a good time to blog - I feel like I have nothing interesting to say. Who wants to hear about what I did today or how I feel tonight or what the weather is like outside my window. Everyone has their own days and own feelings and own windows. Usually I consider myself mildly interesting, even damn witty at times. I'm usually up to the challenge of making even the most boring topic funny or insightful. But lately.... eh. Not so much.

Reason #6 - I'm pouting that I haven't had many comments from folks lately. I know - mea culpa. But I have a reason, at least for some blogs I read - blogger is being a twit and won't let me leave comments. I guess this sort of ties in with Reason #5, I've had the feeling lately that maybe I'm just talking to myself.

Reason #7 - American Idol is in it's 3-days-a-week routine. I'm sorry, I'm one of THOSE people. Last year we were beyond addicted to the show. This year we've jumped in with just as much enthusiasm. Well, Jeff and I have jumped in. William has "jumped ship" and announced a NO AMERICAN IDOL spring for him. Not only does it take a lot of time to watch all that Idol, but I was really afraid I'd end up blogging about it. It's a little early in the season to be picking favorites, doncha think?

Reason #8 - I broke a tooth and had to go to the dentist. Okay, so maybe that's not a legitimate reason. But I do have a dentist phobia and I did have to spend an inordinate amount of time stressing and worrying about it. Turns out I have to go back and have it capped. In the meantime, I'd appreciate any sympathies you can spare, above and beyond what the situation truly calls for. I'm a big old dentist baby and scaredy cat and whiner.

Reason #9 - We have snow! I know that for a lot of you out there this is very old, old news. You've had snow, snow, and more snow. You're sick and tired of snow. You don't care if you ever see snow again in your life! But for some reason our little community had been singled out to be ignored by the snowmaking powers-that-be this year and this is our very first legitimate snow storm of the season. I had to spend the entire day simply watching the flakes fall and listening to the quiet. Here's a photo I took yesterday, the day after the storm. A lot of the snow had melted off the nearby fields, but the mountains looked gorgeous, the sun slipping in from the west between the shadowed valley below and storm clouds above.

Reason #10 - I've been reading a lot. Library books, so that puts more pressure on me to finish them up quickly. Most writers I know are also avid readers, but for me it's hard to do a lot of both at the same time. I can't split it 50/50, my brain likes it more as a 80/20 or perhaps 70/30 split. Tipped either direction is fine, but I just can't balance the two.

Reason #11 - Some of my favorite bloggers have been on hiatuses (hiatusi? hiatus's?) of sorts this last week. I don't know how that translates into me not blogging as well, but there ya go. Never let it be said I allow logic to stand in my way of using something as an excuse.

I promise to be back soon. Hey, I guess I am back. I wrote this, didn't I? Maybe tonight I'll get to some of those other subjects waiting in the wings. But before I go, just one more thing, a photo William took this morning of Fred and George Weasley, my identical twin "temple cats". (You'll have to click on the pic to see them really well. And to see all the minutiae surrounding me on the bed and nightstand. I love to study other people's photos, searching for small details that tell me things about their life they don't realize they are sharing. Do you do that too?)

I don't know what they're guarding. Me. The small chihuahua that is hidden under the covers and beneath the laptop. Perhaps the laptop itself. I don't think I look half bad for not having dragged myself out of bed yet.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do check in on you every now and then, even if I don't comment all the time. :-)
Kate (aka Aeryll)

9:40 PM  

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