New Year's Resolutions - NOT

Over on Red Shoe Ramblings, Deb posted a link to a website where you can have computer generated New Year's Resolutions set for you. Being as I often do what Deb tells us to do (she's a very persuasive kinda gal), I went and followed the instructions, which was to write a New Year's wish inside the box and push the button to generate the answers. For my wish for the coming year I typed in "World peace".

This is the list of resolutions that were generated, apparently because in some inexplicable way, they will help lead to peace among nations in 2007. I don't really see it, but I guess one never knows what the end result will be when one sets out on a path.

Your New Year's Resolutions

1) Get a pet monkey 2) Eat more sushi 3) Travel to Brazil 4) Study taxidermy 5) Get in shape with midget tossing

What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be?

But let's suppose, for just a small moment, that these five resolutions won't help end the war in Iraq or stop ethnic cleansing in Darfur. Let's suppose that they're just some randomly selected choices on a just-for-fun quiz site. In that spirit, let me share some thoughts regarding these five resolutions and how much I think they relate, or don't relate, to me personally.

1. Get a pet monkey.

Apparently the site thought my husband was asking for New Year's resolutions because I swear to you on the holy book of your choice, this would be my husband's real life first wish of all time. For me, it goes a little farther down my list - like perhaps after the last number in the complete computation for pi.

It is possible, however, that the resolution "get a pet monkey" was really just shorthand for "get a bunch of small people who act and sound and bounce around like monkeys." If that is the case, then I'm already well ahead on this goal as I currently have three grandchildren under my roof, two for an indefinite period of time, and the oldest of them, at 27 months, bears a striking resemblance to Curious George.

2. Eat more sushi.

I really have no desire to eat more sushi or to eat less sushi, although I would be hard pressed to eat less sushi then I do now, since I now currently eat NO sushi. Well, no, not true. I had half of a California roll when I was down in San Diego in December. That's about the only sushi I have any desire to eat, and that was only because I was hungry and my choices were half a California roll or a whole California roll. I don't ever wander around the house at night, opening the refrigerator and staring into it thinking "Gee, I wish I had some sushi in here."

However, if "Eat more sushi" really means "spend more time in geographical locations where sushi is more likely to be offered as culinary fare" then hey, I'm all for that. There's not a lot of sushi in Susanville. And by not a lot I mean, none.

3. Travel to Brazil

Now this resolution is one I can work up some enthusiasm for. Sure, I'll go to Brazil. Of course there's the whole question of who's gonna pay for me to go there. But if someone offers to pay for the excursion, I'll start packing.

And if by "Travel to Brazil" they really mean "Travel to Brazil....." and they just left all the other places I could travel in the world up to me to fill in, well then, I might even throw in some of my own funds to make it happen.

4. Study taxidermy

Uhm, no. Just no.

And if by "study taxidermy" they mean "stuff dead animals and stick those scary glass eyeballs in them", then....... still no.

5. Get in shape with midget tossing

Again, I think they have my list mixed up with my husband's list. But let's not go there. Me, I could think of a lot more useful (not to mention politically correct) ways to stay in shape.

And yet, if "get in shape with midget tossing" is just a cute way of saying "get in shape by toddler and baby tossing, carrying, lugging, grabbing, bouncing, and chasing..." then, I'm already working on that one before the year is even one day old.

On a more serious note, a lot of folks I know have been discussing real resolutions for this new year. I've been reading or listening to them and wondering if I might want or have any resolutions for myself. The best I have been able to come up with yet is to think about how I'd like to think about it when I finally find enough time alone to think about the possibilities.

And as an aside, it brings up the frustrating reminder that most of the yearly resolutions I've made to myself in the last several years have been knocked out of the running before they have even had a chance to pick up steam. This year has been no different then any other, I've been watching the new year approach with the thought in the back of my head - THIS will be the year I finally stick to my own path choices! Sigh. I was waylaid by unexpected events before the the six even clicked over to a seven. And although I tell myself that it's just a temporary delay, another part of me whispers - yeah, that's how it always starts out, just "temporary".

One person came up with what I thought was a brilliant idea - she suggested instead of new year resolutions, that it might be more useful to come up with new month resolutions at the beginning of each month of 2007. I'm not promising anything but, if I ever find that thinking time, maybe I'll come up with a real, monkey-free list of resolutions and share them with you here.

Maybe that will be one of my January resolutions, to come up with some resolutions.